


The Losers

by how_about_no



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Social Media, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Texting, texting au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-23 14:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15608379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_about_no/pseuds/how_about_no
Summary: Group chats are chaos, especially where the losers are involved.*winterfire: the answer is always love, benwordsmith: it is if you’re the questionspaghettiman: EUGH ROMANCEbatman: DISGUSTINGbirdman: Yesterday at lunch, we all had to watch you guys fight over the plastic ring Eddie found in his cereal (side note: aren’t we all a bit old for that now?), and it ended with you guys holding hands.





	1. We Could Be Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> HI I LOVE TEXTING AUs SO LOOK WHAT I DID
> 
>  
> 
> hopefully the names aren't too confusing

**Losers**

_Richie Tozier changed Stanley Uris’ nickname to birdman_

birdman: What.

 

_Richie Tozier changed Eddie Kaspbrak’s nickname to spaghettiman_

spaghettiman: why me @god

 

_Richie Tozier changed Beverly Marsh’s nickname to red_

 

red: your lack of creativity disturbs me

_Richie Tozier changed Mike Hanlon’s nickname to country boy_

country boy: I love yooouuuu

 

_Richie Tozier changed Bill Denbrough’s nickname to wonder boy_

 

wonder boy: well, I am a wonderful boy

_Richie Tozier changed Ben Hanscom’s nickname to wordsmith_

 

wordsmith: ???????

_Richie Tozier changed his nickname to batman_

 

spaghettiman: are you kidding????? Batman????

 

batman: we’re superheroes now

say superhero stuff

 

birdman: I’m going to kill you.

 

batman: that’s more super villain but I’ll take it

 

red: you couldn’t think of anything better than red? really?

 

batman: like to see you come up with something better bevvie

 

_wordsmith changed red’s nickname to winterfire_

 

winterfire: now THAT’S a nickname

 

spaghettiman: quick ben come up with one for me!!!

 

wordsmith: Richie is giving me a lift to school tomorrow so no can do, buddy

 

spaghettiman: what has richie got to do with anything

 

batman: I got to do with everything, baby

can’t have my boy with a nickname I didn’t give him that’d just be akward :///

 

birdman: Awkward*

 

winterfire: akward wow well done rich

 

spaghettiman: I AM NOT UR BOY

 

country boy: you’re a little bit his boy

 

wonder boy: concur

 

batman: ;)))))

 

spaghettiman: I want death

 

birdman: same

 

country boy: STAN NO

 

wordsmith: there are people sat in front of me exchanging notes I think they’re in love

 

birdman: You think everyone is in love.

 

wordsmith: I’m usually right, though

 

winterfire: WHO WHO I NEED TO HEAR ABOUT LOVE

 

wonder boy: I don’t

 

batman: why is everyone so afraid of love?!?!?££?”

 

spaghettiman: just realised ben and bev’s nicknames have the same first letter <3

 

batman: #COUPLEGOALS

 

birdman: Mine and Richie’s match too, though.

 

batman: #COUPLEGOALS

 

country boy: should I be worried?

 

birdman: No.

 

batman: yes

 

wordsmith: it’s Jay Summers and that new kid I cant remember his name?

I think he was the one to show him around the school

what could they possible have to exchange notes about??

I’ll tell you

the answer is Love™

 

winterfire: the answer is always love, ben

 

wordsmith: it is if you’re the question

 

spaghettiman: EUGH ROMANCE

 

batman: DISGUSTING

 

birdman: Yesterday at lunch, we all had to watch you guys fight over the plastic ring Eddie found in his cereal (side note: aren’t we all a bit old for that now?), and it ended with you guys holding hands.

 

spaghettiman: it was a STALEMATE

 

batman: well I have that ring now so who’s the winner

 

spaghettiman: we have sHaRed cUStOdy of that ring, richie!!

 

batman: I’m taking you back to court

 

wonder boy: look what you did stan

 

birdman: There should be a comma in there somewhere, Bill.

 

wonder boy: bite me

 

birdman: Don’t tempt me.

 

wordsmith: I think bill would taste like grass

 

winterfire: I’m voting he’d taste more like old metal. both bc of the blood and the amount of time he spends straddling silver

 

wonder boy: ‘straddling’ makes it sound so unsanitary

 

winterfire: just saying it how it is

 

batman: well I think bill would taste like an old man’s asshole

 

spaghettiman: how the fuck would you know what that tastes like

 

batman: why don’t you ask your granddad

 

wonder boy: ladies, ladies

can confirm that I taste like salt

 

winterfire: WHAT

 

birdman: Well, this went extremely downhill.

 

batman: YOU’VE FUCKING TASTED YOURSELF

 

spaghettiman: whatwhat what the fuckle

 

wordsmith: I’m going to go back to thinking about love

 

country boy: I’ll join you ben

 

wonder boy: I MEANT MY SWEAT

SWEAT PEOPLE

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

 

spaghettiman: this is why we can’t have nice things

 

birdman: No, the reason we can’t have nice things is because Richie has sinned enough for God to hate the rest of us by association.

 

batman: and yet here you stay by my side

 

wordsmith: that was poetic

 

batman: did ben?//???!? the fucking word wizard??£?” just tell me something I said was poetic/1?2?!

 

spaghettiman: you’ve made it, kid

 

batman: who you calling kid, pipsqueak

 

spaghettiman: who you calling pipsqueak, stringbean

 

batman: stop insulting me its turning me on

 

spaghettiman: GOD

 

winterfire: everyone else is seeing this right

 

country boy: I’m taking screenshots for their wedding day

 

wonder boy: im crying rn

 

birdman: He actually is. With laughter.

 

winterfire: #exposed

 

wonder boy: someone beat me with a stick next time I say going to the library with stan is a good idea

 

batman: okay

 

spaghettiman: no, richie

 

batman: but I got my beating stick in my locker and everything!!!!

 

wonder boy: free periods weren’t MADE FOR THIS

 

birdman: Anyone else sing that in their heads?

 

wordsmith: idk stan, but who am I to disagree?

 

_spaghettiman changed his nickname to Eddie_

batman: o rly

_batman changed Eddie’s nickname to Eds_

Eds: @god

 


	2. Ah, Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i am back hi hi thank u

**Mike Hanlon and Stanley Uris Private Chat**

Stanley: Hi.

 

Mikey: Why are we whispering? do you feel like you’ll get lost in the abyss that is richie and eddie arguing?

 

Stanley: Yes, and no.

We need to get out of tomorrow.

 

Mikey: weekly movie night? why?

 

Stanley: It’s the only night I’m allowed out and I want to spend it with you, not everyone and you.

 

Mikey: baaaabe that’s cute

 

Stanley: Stop.

Think of an excuse quick.

 

Mikey: Wait why aren’t you allowed out any other night?

 

Stanley: Grounded. Apparently, I wasn’t Jewish enough for the last few weeks.

 

Mikey: Your studies are important I get that

I wish your dad wasn’t so hard on you about it though

 

Stanley: You can cheer me up by thinking of an excuse, so we can spend the evening just us.

I’d bribe you, but you know you’d get anything you wanted from me anyway.

 

Mikey: on it

 

Stanley: While we’re ‘whispering’, may I ask you to stop with the inconsistent capitals? It’s making me nauseous.

 

Mikey: i do what I want stanLey

 

Stanley: Blocked.

 

 

**Losers**

batman: does anyone know where ben is

 

Eds: why don’t u just….. idk….. message him??

 

batman: I just did spaghettiman

 

winterfire: he’s with me

 

batman: we already knew that, bev. where is he geographically

 

winterfire: well I don’t want to scar you for life with his exact position but we’re in the supply closet near mr Jarvis’ classroom

 

batman: OH MY GOD

 

Eds: YOU’RE WHAT

 

birdman: Is there any bleach in there for my eyes? I want to forget I ever read that message.

 

country boy: Stanley we’ve talked about this harmful behaviour

but same tbh

 

wordsmith: I had a poem to show bev and she wanted to take a photo for her Instagram and apparently the supply closet has ‘golden hour’ lighting!!

dirty minds

 

batman: she implied it ben!!!!! implied!!!

 

Eds: scarred for life @aphrodite take me back to you

 

birdman: Aphrodite? What does she have to do with anything?

 

Eds: im making a resolution to say ‘@god’ less often and she was the first thing that came to my mind okay

 

batman: if you were a demigod you’d be the son of Aphrodite

my beautiful love

 

winterfire: brb puking

 

wonder boy: u literally cannot complain u and ben are sickening

 

batman: he awakens!! where u been ol’ buddy ol’ pal??

 

birdman: How come the only time you use proper punctuation is when you’re being a weirdo?

 

batman: insult me more im getting a half chub on

 

country boy: don’t make me fight you, richie

 

batman: full chub

 

Eds: JESUS

 

wonder boy: I was busy signing us all up for the dance committee

 

winterfire: you WHAT

 

wordsmith: oh that’s exciting!

 

Eds: what the fuckle bill

 

wonder boy: stop trying to make fuckle happen, eddie

its not gonna happen

 

batman: fuckle you bill

 

Eds: you used it wrong

 

batman: I don’t give a fuckle

 

Eds: there u go

 

birdman: When are the meetings?

 

wonder boy: mostly during lunches and free periods then after school like once a week

 

winterfire: no

 

wonder boy: yes

 

winterfire: NO

 

wonder boy: YES

 

batman: I love watching exes interact

 

winterfire: stop calling us that!!

 

wonder boy: it was one kiss, richie

 

winterfire: two, actually

 

wordsmith: once in that play then like two years ago right?

 

winterfire: see, even ben knows

 

Eds: yeah but ben knows everything

 

batman: ben knows more about your romance with bev than you do, bill

how does it feel to be stupid

 

wonder boy: idk richie, how does it feel

 

batman: check my gpa bitch then ask again

 

wonder boy: don’t make me hit you

 

batman: AGAIN

 

wonder boy: that was one time!!!!!!!!

 

birdman: Look what you did, Richie. You made Bill use punctuation.

 

Eds: are we just discussing bill’s embarrassing past now???/

as the person that has known him the longest I need to get in on this action

 

wonder boy: no we are not shut up eddie

 

Eds: u remember first grade bill??

when you had that big bunk bed with a desk underneath and everything

 

wonder boy: eddie

 

Eds: u used to write all ur stories there and it had a creaky leg remember??

 

wonder boy: dont you dare

 

batman: I am loving this

 

Eds: we were having a sleepover and I was leaning on ur desk while u wrote and the story was about ur creepy neighbour

anyway this lady knocked on the front door and asked to speak to the ‘man’ of the house who was out so yh

a few minutes later bill’s mom came up and told us that the lady said ‘whoever is having sex in that room needs to quit it’ because it was so loud

like it was the desk!! obviously

but bill’s mom was having so much fun with it so she acted mad and asked us what we were up to and bill said

 

wonder boy: fuck u eddie

fuck

you

 

wordsmith: what did he say!

 

Eds: ‘we weren’t having sex! my wee wee is too small to go in eddie’

 

winterfire: pffftt u fucking idiot

 

wonder boy: right guys it was nice knowing you im going to go kill myself now

 

country boy: that’s almost better than the time richie propositioned that old woman at the store bc he wanted free coke

 

batman: she was totally considering it

also bill

im so sorry about your small wee wee

 

wonder boy: sorry can’t hear you over how dead I am

 

birdman: That doesn’t even make sense.

 

wonder boy: ur face doesn’t make sense

 

**Don’t Tell Stan**

Mike Hanlon: hello

 

Richie Tozier: this feels dirty

 

Ben Hanscom: what aren’t we telling stan?? it can’t a surprise party his birthday was months ago

 

Mike Hanlon: stan is grounded and is only allowed out for the weekly movie night, but we want to use it as a date night

he’s too embarrassed to tell you guys outright

hence the chat

that cool?

 

Beverly Marsh: totally cool mike baby!! you go romance our Stanley

 

Richie Tozier: birdman gonna get LAID

 

Eddie Kaspbrak: that’s so cute and romantic when will I have this

 

Richie Tozier: when you finally agree to go on a date with me

 

Eddie Kaspbrak: ha ha

that joke never gets old

 

Richie Tozier: …

joke yeah

 

Eddie Kaspbrak: anyway!! what are you gonna say in the chat to not come? if he doesn’t know you’ve already asked us

 

Mike Hanlon: idk some lame excuse

 

Bill Denbrough: say you need to work on the farm or something and tell stan to say he’s sick on the day

so it doesn’t look suspicious

 

Richie Tozier: something tells me you think of excuses a lot bill

 

Bill Denbrough: only when u ask me to hang out

 

Eddie Kaspbrak: savage

 

Bill Denbrough: or u tbh

 

Richie Tozier: how dare you

THAT’S MY WIFE

 

Eddie Kaspbrak: husband*

NO

NOTHING AT ALL WE’RE NOT TOGETHER

 

Richie Tozier: ;)))))))

 

Bill Denbrough: jk ily guys

 

Mike Hanlon: ill message the chat now thank you guys!

 

Ben Hanscom: ah, romance

 

**Losers**

Eds: what we really need to focus on here is the fact that bill has a small wee wee that’s all that matters

 

wonder boy: can we stop calling it a wee wee thanks

 

batman: yeah guys call it by its real name

jizz slinger

 

wonder boy: no

 

batman: one eyed snake?

 

wonder boy: absolutely not

 

batman: shy turtle

 

wonder boy: I don’t even want to decipher that

 

batman: COCK

 

Eds: I like cock

 

batman: we know

 

Eds: I meant the NAME FOR A PENIS

but yh that too lol

 

birdman: You are all cretins.

 

winterfire: aint that the truth

 

wordsmith: personally, I find penis does the job

 

winterfire: yeah it does baby ;)

 

Eds: JESUS

 

country boy: btw guys I can’t make it to movie night

my dad needs help with some equipment repairs :’(

 

batman: aw buddy that’s a shame

 

winterfire: we’ll watch a movie u don’t like in honour of your absence <3

 

**Mike Hanlon and Stanley Uris Private Chat**

Stanley: Nice excuse, but now what am I going to say?

 

Mikey: Just message tomorrow saying you’re sick

 

Stanley: Okay.

I love you.

 

Mikey: I love you too babe

ill plan something nice for us

 

Stanley. You’re the best.

 

**Richie Tozier and Beverly Marsh Private Chat**

Rich Bitch: hey bev?

 

Bevvie Baby: yh rich?

 

Rich Bitch: do you think eddie really thinks I’m joking every time im flirting

or do u think he knows and is genuinely disgusted by me

 

Bevvie Baby: he’s not disgusted by you honey

 

Rich Bitch: I just feel like im getting nowhere you know??? you said to be upfront about my feelings and I AM and he just shoots me down every fucking time

 

Bevvie Baby: have you actually told him you like him

 

Rich Bitch: not in…. so many words

 

Bevvie Baby: that’s not being upfront then is it baby. I know it’s hard and you’re not used to being open without making a joke of it but try okay?

 

Rich Bitch: idk bev

 

Bevvie Baby: for eddie

 

Rich Bitch: fuck

 

Bevvie Baby: it doesn’t have to be right now but soon, okay?

you deserve the chance to be happy with him

you’ve been pining for years

 

Rich Bitch: I just love him so much ya know

 

Bevvie Baby: I know

he loves you too

 

Rich Bitch: not in the way I want to be loved

 

Bevvie Baby: you’ll never know if you don’t tell him how you feel

 

Rich Bitch: why are you always right??

 

Bevvie Baby: it’s a gift

 

Richie Bitch: you’re a queen

 

Bevvie Baby: and don’t u forget it ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't expect it to get a lil angsty but here we are, suffering

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know what you think, y'all!
> 
> tumblr: kaspcrap


End file.
